Frustrated

AJ still has not responded to my messages! I wrote him one more time, in a separate message from the others, last night, but no response as of yet. I wanted to talk to him after choir yesterday but he left early and I didn't get the chance. And I don't want to look desperate. Because I'm not. From most angles. I've had plenty of hook-ups, but I think the only thing telling me I didn't want an actual relationship was the situation with Ben. I finally talked to him on Sunday, and we are never hooking up again. I know it's jinx to say 'never,' but it just cannot happen. Too many people were upset by the situation, so it's not worth it. Ben is crazy, and we all know it, but he's just going to have to deal.

According to Carolyn, what the Boys thought was the most ridiculous about the Ben situation was the fact that I was hooking up with other guys. Not that they didn't think I should be having fun, because they definitely understood my situation with not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with Ben, but they apparently perceived it as me hooking up with a different guy every time I went out. And for a while there that was pretty much true. But on Sunday, talking with Carolyn, I made the decision to chill out a little. Big deal, right? But it actually is, because I realized I had pretty much been doing what I'd been doing in order to distance myself from Ben. I don't need to do that anymore, since we are officially 'over' (not that there was anything really to end, even though there was, if that makes sense).

So no new guys. Friday night was incredibly fun; I formally met Dan, who is a freshman in my Math class, and he's also a Cancer, and we totally hit it off. Needless to say I was in good spirits when I left South at 2:30 am. We'll see what happens with that. He's a really cool guy. Chris - AJ's friend - is also a Cancer. They are the only ones I'm going to focus on for a while, then. I'm really hoping things turn out well. I'm so tired.