The Conclusion

So, after all that chaos and emotional upset, I was sitting with Holden in the Watson library yesterday, trying to get work done, and I suddenly realized that I don't like him. I don't know how that could possibly be my conclusion, but it is. I looked up from my work and just felt it. And if I felt better on Sunday, it was only about 75%. I think I can safely say that I'm 100% sure of my feelings now. That isn't to say that I know completely what I'm doing (Gus?), but at least I'm a little more focused and I don't have to deal with mixed emotions about Ali. On Monday I helped Carolyn figure out what I was sensing about her; it took a little while, and it helped that we were alone Dorm Storming together, but I knew that the Scorpio in her would get it, and she did - really fast. And the best part is that, since I don't like him, I wouldn't mind if she did. I'm so much more comfortable that it's amazing. I was so tense before, being unable to understand myself. Now, however, everything's chill.

My only issue now is Gus. And the basic answer is that I have to hang out with him more, but seeing as he: 1) lives on the first floor, and 2) goes to lunch and dinner early to beat the rush, it's hard to keep up with him. Prem is such a good resource; I feel bad still picking his brain after Saturday, but he seems okay with it. He definitely advocated The First Floor over The Second Floor, and he tells me things about the former that are quite interesting. First of all, he's a Leo, and Prem says he's also the hugest dork on the floor, which it's funny to know because now I notice it. He also takes himself really seriously, but it feels like a game so I play along.