The inevitable drama

Last night was awful, but I do admit that it was completely my fault. I'm in a seriously emotional state, and I think that as much as I hate conflict, I subconsciously create it for myself, and then I go absolutely crazy. I was so mad at Ali. I've talked about the situation so much that I won't reiterate it here, but basically it came down to my sense of loyalty being deeply offended. She's almost totally oblivious to my feelings. I talked to Britta on Friday, and a little yesterday, but she didn't stay in our room long after Grey's last night because she wanted to get up early today. Carolyn also knows everything, if not more than Britta does. It's funny talking this kind of thing out with Carolyn because I really notice her Scorpio aspects and I can't blame her for them because I understand them so well. I have noticed things about her that are also parts of me that are annoying, but it's all good so far. I left Ali, Holden, and Carolyn in our room last night to go hang out with Prem, Garrett, and Geoff (Kevin was there, but he doesn't count). I needed to get away so badly. Prem could tell something was going on, so just the two of us went for a walk and I told him everything. I miss having Alex right there to talk to, and Prem is the only guy I feel I can talk to about this. He really helped, and even though it's funny now that he sees my situations from a different perspective now, it feels good, I guess.

I really do feel so much better than I did last night. I'm sure that by telling everyone what was on my mind I blew the whole thing out of proportion and made it worse for myself, but I'm getting back to normal. I think - or hope? - that I'm getting better at controlling my emotions.

I feel so much better.