so there's this guy

who i think i've figured out takes my morning train on wednesdays. he is gorgeous. i've mentioned him before. my mom and i always sit directly across the aisle from him. i can't take it. he listens to music while he does what looks like work for a class, and has the most incredible arms. i turn on my ipod and pull out my book, but can't focus well enough to read more than a few pages. and of course he's all the more interesting because he won't look at me. he's the kind of person i want to know, want to befriend, to be on intimate - not necessarily romantic - terms with. and although i try to keep in my mind that i can do whatever i want, be what i want and what i am, i still get the feeling that this is one of those things that when i die i will secretly know has never come to pass.