this weekend.

i ended up not going to the poconos. lulu really wanted to drive, and mom agreed, so i was off the hook.

on friday evening i met up with alex, macrina and eliza and we went down town to see "spring awakening." it was incredible. i can now see why michael really likes it and mary jo does not. it's very brechtian, with the 'orchestra' (it was more like a band) right on the stage, behind the actors, and even seating for some of the audience off to stages left and right. the spectacular element was added with lots of lighting effects, such as shapes, dots and lines of colored light all over the walls of the stage. there was also a removable part of the floor of the stage that could slide up and back, and at one point even had chains attached to it so it could be lifted into the air with actors on it.

the music was fantastic. alex let macrina and me burn the soundtrack from him, and i can't stop listening to it.

so after the show on friday, macrina slept at my house and we had a much-needed and long-overdue sleepover. it was good to talk to her, especially since my family was gone and we could be as loud as we wanted and stay up as late as we wanted. i talk and repeat myself too much though, and i'm afraid i sounded self-centered. i really needed someone to talk to about aaron, though, and i'm afraid to talk to carolyn about it because i feel like the swinging of my feelings is getting old for her. that's a problem right there, too, because she worries that i'm afraid to tell her things, when i can really tell her anything, because i didn't tell her about nat because i was afraid. i am afraid! i'm such a hypocrite. i know it's better to let her know everything, but i don't want to make things bad.

i'll tell her about my current aaron problem when we get back to school. i'm hoping it will pass, so there's no need for her to know right now, while she's having a good time at camp. also, this is about me. this is my fickleness.

but i will also, as macrina pointed out, need to talk to carolyn about how it made me uncomfortable last semester when i saw her with aaron. i hate that i get so jealous and possessive, because i don't think i should have any attachment to him except physically, but i guess this is all proof that i'm emotionally trapped.