Better

Things were better with my mother today after she got home. She never apologizes, but she sort of seemed apologetic, and we didn't fight. I was a good daughter for once. We talked normally. And she paid me for yesterday and today!

We leave for Cape Cod tomorrow. Actually, we're going to the club first (Clam Bake is Saturday night), and we head up to Chatham on Sunday. I'm pretty sure I'm picking Leah up from Penn lacrosse camp tomorrow...I have to check on what time that will be.

I am currently obsessed with My Boys, this original series on TBS. There was a new episode on tonight, and I hadn't watched it in a while so I decided to, and I'm totally roped in again. It's so good! I love the characters, the cinematography, the writing....everything about it is fun to watch. I kind of wish my life were more interesting like that.

I also wish I were older, but maybe that's not it. I love being 18. It feels so good. I guess I wish I could do more now, do things that society associates with older people right now. I guess you could say I can't wait to grow up, but I do want to stay young. I think I realize how lucky I am to have so much ahead of me. But honestly, I have always felt so much older than I am. Right now, I might estimate that I feel like I'm 24. Older people are the ones who interest me. I do love my friends so much, but their petty drama gets to me sometimes (and I am usually a part of it) and sometimes I feel some kind of immaturity hit me in the face and I wonder why I'm stuck in this weird time warp. What Holden and I were saying was right; time really doesn't seem to exist. It's a funny thing for me. The concept of waiting, of allowing, of discovering, of trying, of knowing, seeing, feeling, holding. It all happens so quickly and so slowly, so randomly. If time does exist, maybe everyone is on a different track of it. Or everyone has multiple tracks that they are running on throughout their lives. I know I have about 10 tracks, and they're all at very different lengths, stopping points, accelerations. I wonder if there will be a day when they all converge, or at least stop at some line all together. I feel so old right now, looking forward to the future, through time, the creation of humans. Just now I think humans should create a little less and let more things happen on their own.