A scorpion's analysis

It's times like these when I wish to God I weren't a Scorpio. But I also cannot imagine what it must be like for people of other signs who don't feel emotions as deeply as I do. How can one live and not feel so deeply? Sometimes, like now, I think it must be such a good feeling, having more dulled senses of pain and hatred. I am so tired of being hurt, but I am hurt so easily that I feel I must have anguish down to an art form. And the horrible part is that, even in this situation, in which I am trying so desperately to conquer my Scorpio desire to hate and hold a grudge, I am so secretly and typically planning revenge without meaning to. And, as a Scorpio who, like others, has learned the art of hiding my true emotions, the pain seems to have become amplified. In an effort to avoid conflict and to keep others happy I have put myself in a terrible position. I need Kate and Kiri. They are the only ones who can help me through this. Although I want to do it myself, I am afraid that if I take matters into my own hands and confront the situation I will only make it worse for everyone involved, and I don't want that. I have slowly been teaching myself that others need and deserve happiness, too, so I would rather not compromise that. However, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this plot of revenge that is already cooking. It's like a refex; the scorpion is such a perfect representation of my sign because when threatened, it strikes back with unimaginable malice. It's strange to know it, but I can't help but feel, admitedly, that while those involved deserve happiness, they also deserve to feel the pain they have inflicted upon me. It sounds ridiculous, but as a Scorpio it is hard for me not to "get back" at people, or at least try to. I don't want fights. At this very moment I don't want discussion of any of it, except with Kate or Kiri. I just wish the people related to my situation could step back for a minute and feel what I do. There's really nothing I can do but stand in the way, and that's just obsurd and selfish, so I won't do that. But this is also part of the pain; I know that there is nothing else I can do. I won't stand in the way, but feel like I want to die knowing I'm stuck in this torture. At least for now. hopefully Kate will call me back soon. The whole thing is ridiculous, and in some ways I saw it coming, but on the other hand I was completely unprepared and now I'm paying. I slept very little last night.