Another ending?

Tomorrow is the last day of my Senior Project! I can't believe it went so fast. Although I'm still struggling to finish up my log/journal (it will be finished by the end of tomorrow!!!!), it is another ending. I know I will be returning to Stagecrafters - probably next week, if I can manage to still have a social life at some point then, too - but the fact that I will be going back as part of the theatre, not just as an intern, feels like things are becoming real. I don't know if that makes sense in words, but in my head it's perfect. I want to say that it's like Cinderella's carriage turning back into a pumpkin at midnight, but that's not how it feels; there's no sadness in it. It's more like I'm Cinderella, and I leave the ball, but as I'm running out my pumpkin turns into a sparkling coach drawn by white horses with feathers on their heads, and I wave goodbye to Prince Charming with a smile on my face because I know that all the magic is real and the magic is where my coach is taking me. It sounds so corny, but I feel it. Everyone at the theatre really likes me, and I know because I feel it. It makes me want to really stay there and work with this show, these people, these complications and tech issues. And I can't wait until I finish my presentation and I can go back and dig myself in even further.

I was thinking recently how, since the day we struck the set, I haven't been sad about or really thought about Players that much. I assumed that as graduation approached I would begin to feel the sadness more sharply, especially after APs were over and there was no reason for me to on school property. But graduation is approaching, and I don't feel the pangs coming. I think I know why, though. After so much drama over Players this year and last year, and the reassurance from Iz that seniors kind of stop caring about Players towards the end (I thought I was the only one, but she said Tillman told her it was normal...haha), I was definitely ready to move on. I am ready. And Stagecrafters gave me exactly the material I needed and wanted to move on to bigger things. I feel like I connect with adults so much more easily than I do with people my own age (like the Players kids), and so adult, professional theatre was exactly where I needed to go. I may not be acting there (...yet?) but just being involved, helping out, being appreciated for whatever I can do, feels so good I can hardly describe it. I love it there, and I'm going to try desperately to be as deeply involved with this show as I possibly can be. So this is more of a beginning for me. I'm not seeing this time of my life as a time of endings. I've even tried to, and I can't. For me, it's all beginning.