shrug & sigh.

i texted ben this morning to ask him when he's leaving for germany. generally i expect a prompt response from him, but as it's barely 11 am i didn't, really.

me: Hey! haven't talked to you in a while. when do you leave for germany?

10 minutes later:

Ben: sunday the 23rd.

this is difficult. i understand that ben went through a lot this past year, and i understand that he had his reasons for avoiding me. i know that our last one-on-one encounter did not go well. i've been happy staying out of contact with him this entire summer, save a few random texts in june. and it makes perfect sense to me that after those random texts ben would try to forget me. i respect that.

but that doesn't stop me from feeling a little hurt. a curt response to my question is not shocking: he answered my question, what more do i want? and unfortunately, if ben is still the way i remember him, i can picture him having received my text, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to decide what to say to me, and then choosing the simplest response.

this all makes me sound very self-centered, which is not what i want. i'm just lamenting a strangely ruined friendship. if it was ever even that.