final encounter.

today is wednesday. the day i get on the train and that gorgeous man is sitting in the first row of seats on the right, headphones on and studying a textbook. my mom wasn't with me today, and some guy was sitting in the seat we'd usually take, so i settled for one row back to the left. part of the way through the ride i realized this was the last time i would see Gorgeous Arms Man. i had several thoughts. one was that i could use my mild infatuation with him as a distraction - not unlike what i attempted to do after Ross the Elder disappeared into the mist. convince myself that i couldn't be with anyone/hook up with anyone because he wasn't Ross, and i was pining for my lost love. pathetic. here i was trying to use an Attractive Man To Whom I've Never Spoken to aid in my getting over aaron. brilliant idea. simply sparkling. not.

about 10 seconds later i received a mental slap in the face. i don't need to use false replacements in order to get over aaron. or anyone. i don't need to pine for this man i don't know. that's just dumb. that's just giving me something (painful) to do. i don't need that.

all i have to do is move on. let it pass. whatever. i don't have to dwell on this kind of lonely thing. better things will happen.